Confession via /r/wallstreetbets #stocks #wallstreetbets #investing


Confession

This is my fault.

The entire bear market drop selloff whatever this is is my fault.

On November 4th my wife and I had a discussion. I wanted to buy a computer for $1472.

Se said that I didn’t need it.

The discussion then turned to investment.

After a short conversation she agreed that I would invest $1500 in stocks through my Vanguard account where I have a Roth IRA.

After the funds cleared from my bank to my brokerage account, I spent an afternoon buying meme stonks recommend by various threads on r/wallstreetbets.

I have since never seen a single day of positive unrealized gains. It has only been unrealized losses. I have since put more than $500 more into it, and my over $2000 investment is worth about $1300 now.

Why?

I’ll explain.

You see, I happen to be the servant of the most high god, creator of heaven and earth, the I AM. And I believe that when I decided to buy stocks, the Abrahamic god of vengeance smote the stock market with affliction and torment so that I could afford more stocks.

You see, I’m also lower income or “poor” as they say, so I don’t have mich buying power.

I think my wrathful god may have destroyed your global economy to save me a few bucks.

I’ll try to buy this dip as best I can, but we can expect the crash to continue until my retirement fund has robust portfolio, and then the market will adjust upwards, ensuring comfortable retirement.

I’m sorry. It was never my intention to destroy the markets. My God is used to using rivers of blood and clouds of darkness and dead children to help his servants. He kinda has a hammer and sees every problem as a nail. I hope you don’t have to fight over who gets to eat the flesh of your dead children, or contract leprosy.

I’ve talk with him, and unfortunately there’s no way to stop the appocalypse that has begun.

Apparently the black horse, which controls famine and economic collapse, has begun to ride and some red one is close behind.

At any rate. I just wanted to apologize for ushering in the end of the world.

My bad guys, my bad.

Submitted January 28, 2022 at 02:09AM by sernamedeleted
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